


Forgive me

by N_Chamomile



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Light Angst, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-15
Updated: 2016-12-15
Packaged: 2018-09-08 15:59:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8851171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/N_Chamomile/pseuds/N_Chamomile
Summary: MC’s struggle with her emotions towards Yoosung, how she struggled through being compared to Rika. So this is more or less MC’s POV.





	

Unexplainably scared – he was always so, so afraid of losing me. Ever since we officially started dating, he feared for my well being. It took him quite a while, after he met me in person and after we got to know each other face to face, to let me be alone. He had a hard time letting me go alone – even to the store. He might believe, that I haven’t noticed him lurking in the aisles, or behind a tree, yes to some it might seem a little bit…weird and scary… Quite frankly, I was afraid at times. I was afraid of his dark side, of what he could become, since his darkness wasn’t buried so deeply. 

Often that side would appear if the other guys from the rfa would talk to me. Especially if the ones I talked to was either Zen or Jumin. I think it was because he felt inferior compared to them… It did pain me to see him that way, since at one point I thought it was my fault. Truly, I felt as though his low self-esteem was my fault. I would often lay awake in bed and ask myself, should I show him that I love him in other ways, is my love not enough for him to see how much I adore him? Maybe, I am not good enough for him…maybe there is someone out there, who is much more…much more…at that point my chest always started to hurt, as though someone stepped on it and didn’t lt me breathe….someone much more better suited than me. 

There were times when I almost dyed my hair blonde, just to make him like me more…there were times were I tried being kinder, sweeter like he …described HER. But I hated that, I hated trying to be her… 

And today was one of those times when I was just TOO sweet. I prepared a special, romantic dinner just for him, all of his favorite meals; I even tried to make some pieces look like LOLOL characters. 

I bought a cute set of lingerie, shaved my legs and cleaned the whole apartment; I bought him a small gift – matching otter key chains. 

But…guess what happened? Sir, I am jealous at pretty boy Zen talking to you, so now I am must confront him and let my girlfriend wait for me, has forgotten our date. Well, it is actually more than just a date; it is our 6 month anniversary. It might seem silly, but he was the one, that suggested we should celebrate it, therefore I planned it all. How I would give my everything to him. To the one person I love so much, to him who was there for me in his own unique and sweet way. He was always so kind and so caring, the way he spoke to me either through text or on the phone was lovely and just so cute! I immediately fell for him. I fell or his pure and innocent love.

But after a while, people do tend to change and o, did he change. As we were just starting to get to know each other, he seemed to see something in me or rather, wanted to see something in me that just wasn’t there. He craved her. He wanted me to be like her. But I am me, myself; I will never be like her.

Do you even realize how excruciatingly painful it was, to constantly be reminded of her, while I was trying my best for these strangers? I may be naïve, but I did see how all of them in the rfa, wished that I was their new Rika. Although it hurt so much, although I could hardly cope with it, I could and I tried.

Now you might understand just how painful it was each time reading his comparisons to me and how hard it was telling him, that I am not her. At some point he understood, but I know that a small part of him felt devastated, that I was not Rika.

So now I am alone, all dolled up and pretty just for him, for the man I thought loved me more than anything. I undo my hair and let it fall free and then I feel the tears slowly and silently roll down my cheeks, for the pain he left is just unbearable and finally I can let the pain go.

As I cry away and reminisce in all the conversations I had with him, I recall all the things he wanted me to be.

I try not to do this to myself, I try hard not to think of the bad things and try to picture his smile, how silly he looked in my apron trying to surprise me with breakfast, but then I see his smile directed to her and I cry and I can hardly breathe and I can clearly hear my sobbing and gasping, but I can’t stop and it hurts, but I just can’t stop.

I feel alone, so alone. Save me, save me, where are you? It’s so dark and I am so scared and alone.

I hear someone calling my name, urging me. I hear them being scared and afraid and that is what I needed, it is you.

“Y-yoosung?” I gasp out, but I can’t see him through the tears, they are hot and harsh against my cheeks and all the crying is making it hard to breathe, so my words come out as hiccups. “W-whe-where were you?!” I try to yell, but it’s just a small pitchy exclamation.

He wipes my face with his sleeves; he takes my face in his hands and looks at me with those worried eyes. “I am so sorry; I tried to be here sooner, I am sorry, please, please forgive me.” He speaks with a shaky voice, he is gasping for air, his face is covered in a slight sheen of sweat – he must have been running. But he was still late, very late.

But I can’t say no to him, not when I see his eye, not when I see what he has been through because of me, I took hold of his hands, take a deep breath and say “Happy half year anniversary, honey.”. I try to smile, but I can feel that it’s not right and my tears just spill onto his hands and I can feel my body giving up and how it shakes and how hard it is to hold on. My mind is going crazy and I hear all those thoughts.

“He never loved you.”

Stop

“He only ever loved her.”

Stop it

“Rika.”

Please stop

“She is better than you.”

STOP

“You will never be her.”

“I said STOP IT!!!”

I scream out and he does not flinch, he only pulls me towards him and holds me close, he holds me so strongly, he breathes me in and I can hear him crying.

“Forgive me.”

He exclaims through his sobs and I know, I know that he understands why exactly I am crying, so I nod at that. But will I ever truly be able to forgive you?

**Author's Note:**

> So I tried to make it fluffy, but it turned into something very sad. I just had to write out my feelings through Yoosungs route. No one likes to be compared to anyone. No one.
> 
> But I hope you like it! (๑・ω-)～♥”


End file.
